The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. Our happiness, well-being, fulfilment, success or failure in business or career are all dependent on our relationships. Teddy Roosevelt sums it up nicely when he says, “The single most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.” In this article, I share 4 tips that will enrich your relationships and help you get along with anybody!

Why are relationships so important? The answer is simple, because we are all salespeople. Whatever field you are in, and whatever your job or business. Whether you are employed, self-employed or retired, every day, we are all trying to sell something to someone. It could be an idea, a concept, a product, a service, a vision.

As a parent you could be trying to sell the benefits of a university education to your child, or one holiday destination over the other. As CEO, you may want to sell your vision for your business or non-profit to your employees. As a business owner, of course, your product or service to a prospect. Whatever the object, we are always trying to sell something to someone and as the saying goes – people buy from people!

Consider this question. Have you ever found yourself in a position where you needed help, perhaps assistance from someone at work, or maybe in your personal life, and you knew someone who could assist you with the problem, but you were very reluctant to ask them? In fact, you ended up not asking them because you did not like them. I bet you are nodding right now and saying yes, I’ve been there. You end up losing out because you just could not bring yourself to ask them for help, even though you knew they could have helped you. This is how important relationships are!

I am not talking about liking everybody, or getting everybody to like you. However in a world where personal, professional and business success is increasingly dependent upon collaboration, it is not enough to know how to get along with like-minded people, but we must also learn to get along with and work with people that are not like us. So here are four tips that if you truly embrace them and start to put them into practice, will help you get along with just anybody!

1. Value People More Than Opinions

Truly value people. I say truly because sometimes we act like we value people because of what we want to get from them. We see that all the time, where companies pay lip service to the notion of people first, but when the rubber hits the road, we see these same companies making choices that in no way reflects the value of “people first”. Don’t just value people because of what you think you can get from them, but truly value people simply because they are people. They are humans just like you and they deserve to be valued.

Value people more than opinions. I can’t even begin to count the number of times I have seen people fall out with each other because of differing opinions. The fact that someone has a different opinion to you does not necessarily make them a bad person and you a good person, they just have a different opinion and guess what, that opinion could change tomorrow. So why would you jeopardise the chances of developing what could end up being a really great relationship with someone just because they have a different opinion to you today? Tomorrow, they could become more enlightened, their level of awareness could have been raised and they could change their opinion and if you’ve cut them off because of the opinion they held yesterday you miss out on what that relationship could have brought you, so value people more than opinions.

2. Put Energy Into Being Likeable

You may know some people that are just naturally likeable. You meet them for the very first time and they just have this vibe, this energy about them and you just love being with them. I have met people like that as well. I however also know people who you might not necessarily get attracted to, instantly, and I don’t mean in a sexual way, but there are some people you meet, that you don’t instantly get drawn to. However, when you do get to know them you, find that they are really nice, really lovely. I am sure you know people like that as well.

Now here is the thing, first impressions really do matter and as it is true that you don’t get a second opportunity to make a great first impression. So, what if I never get the opportunity to really get to know you, to find out that you are really a nice person after all? When I share this tip with people, I would often have someone say “but I need to be myself” I am not asking you not to be yourself, I am asking you to be more intentional in how you present yourself. So, if for example you are naturally a blunt “say it as it is” kind of person, put energy into finding means of still being honest and truthful, without being annoying. Put energy into being likeable. You will find that life is so much easier when people like you.

3. Follow The Golden Rule

What is the Golden Rule? Do to others what you would have them do to you. Just think
about how much more wonderful and pleasant and how much happier we would all be, if everyone really embraced and practiced this golden rule? It is tempting to want to retaliate when people treat us bad, and to act in the same way towards them. You disrespect me, I disrespect you back. Someone cheats me, I cheat the next person I come across, but in the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world”

When you allow others to dictate how you live your life, you give them your power. When you are mean to others because someone was mean to you, or you bully others because someone bullied you, you allow them to control your life. Take back your power, break the circle and say, “No it ends here with me”! Irrespective of the maybe unpleasant experiences you have had, you determine I will treat others not necessarily as I have been treated, but how I want to be treated. I will respect others because I want to be respected. I will value others because I want to be valued. I will be kind to others because I want to be shown kindness.

4. Follow The 101 Principle

What is the 101 principle? According to John C. Maxwell, this is when you find out the one thing you have in common with the people you are dealing with and give it 100% of your energy. Most of us do the opposite. We focus all our energy on the one thing we don’t have in common and put all our energy into that one thing and we end up saying we don’t have anything in common. Listen you have something in common with every single person in this world. For starters you’re both human beings! So, find that one thing you have in common and put a 100% of your energy into that. Find common ground and start from there and you’ll be amazed at where the relationship goes with time if you would just focus on what you have in common rather than focusing on the differences.

I challenge you to embrace these four Relationship Rules and start to practice them, not just with people you like, but with everyone in your life and you will be amazed at the transformation that will start to take place in your relationships. You are where you are today largely because of the relationships you’ve had in the past and you will be tomorrow where the relationships you form today will influence and take you, so be intentional about your relationships because they will make or break you.

If you would like to find out more about how to build strong, meaningful, long-lasting relationships that enrich your life, check out our connect and relate workshop.

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Credit to John C. Maxwell

I hope you have found this blog helpful. Please feel free to leave your comments. I would very much love to hear from you.

Mary Eniolu – Speaker, Trainer, and Coach
Mary is a solicitor and professional speaker, trainer, and coach. She is the founder of Can Do Academy, a training and development company offering Institute of Leadership and Management approved and CPD accredited training and coaching solutions to individuals and organizations, helping them to achieve peak performance and desired outcomes.

Join our next Connect and Relate Workshop here
© 2022

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Speak to any business owner and they will tell you that finding and retaining good people is one of their biggest headaches. You will very often hear SME businesses owners remark “I am not Google, I can’t compete with the likes of them for good people!” When they say this, usually what they mean is I can’t offer the sorts of salaries or perks companies like Google and Facebook can offer.

While it might be true that you cannot offer salaries and perks similar to what Google and the likes offer, it is also true, that you don’t have to. Those things are important, but they are not what are most important to most people.

Until not too long ago my husband, who is an IT Security Consultant, worked in the City for a major IT Security Company with headquarters in the US and offices in various countries around the world, supporting email security for thousands of companies globally.  The pay was great, perks were fantastic including discounted company shares on joining the company, a generous pension scheme, amazing recreational facilities and hospitality in the office, which included pool tables, game consoles, chill out areas with sleeping bags, free beverages including wine and beers and when he went to their US office for a week, they even had chefs coming into the office to prepare lunch for staff!

Unfortunately however after only 8 months, my husband put in his resignation because he could no longer take the abuse, rudeness, incompetence and very poor management of his manager. The company clearly wanted to do well by their people, but they were let down by one person, who, fairly or unfairly his team members see as the face of the company. It is true what they say after all, people don’t leave companies, people leave people.

Not too long ago, hundreds of Facebook employees, in rare public criticism of their own company, protested against their executives’ decision not to do anything about recent inflammatory posts made by President Trump on their social media platform in response to the protests by demonstrators across the country in the wake of George Floyd’s recent killing. In support for demonstrators across the country, Facebook employees refused to work adding an automated message to their digital profiles and email responses saying that they were out of the office in a show of protest. Some wrote publicly about their unhappiness on other social media platforms and yet others threatened to resign. The unrest has been described as the most serious challenge to the leadership of Mark Zuckerberg, the chief executive, since the company was founded 15 years ago.

What all this tells us is that people are placing their values and what is really important to them ahead of financial and material gain. As an organisation, you cannot continue with same old, same old and expect to attract and retain the high calibre people your organisation needs in order to strongly position itself in the market place.

Perks are great, but that’s not what makes you a great Company and it won’t help you retain good people. If you are an SME owner, the good news is you don’t have to be Google or the likes to attract and retain good staff. People want to work for great companies. People want to do business with businesses that care. Care for the environment, care for the communities to which they belong and care for their people. Here are five simple things you can start to do to show your people you care.

1. Listen to Them

People won’t listen unless they feel they have been listened to. Don’t just hear them with your ears, but truly listen with your ears and with your heart. If you do, you will hear more than what is verbalised. Don’t just listen to respond, but listen to understand. Good leaders ask great questions. Ask your people questions and then really listen to hear and understand what they say in response

2. Truly Value Them

If you don’t truly value people, no matter what you say and do, it will show. Yes you pay them to do what they do but there is no amount of money you can pay to buy loyalty. You don’t want them to do just enough not to get fired. If you want a team that is prepared to go above and beyond the call of duty, then you have to truly value them. It is not enough to simply pay lip service to the notion. Everybody wants to Feel valued, so don’t just say it, show it. Appreciate them when they do well, encourage them when they miss the mark, show faith in them by believing in them before they prove themselves.

3. Respect Them

 Every human being craves and deserves respect, just for the mere fact that they are human beings. You can correct, chastise and even discipline someone without making them feel like they are trash. Mind your language, watch your tone. It does not matter that you are the business owner and they are the cleaner. Follow the golden rule and treat others the way you would want to be treated.

4. Invest in Them

 There is no better way to show you care and value someone than by investing in them. We don’t go around investing in trash, so when you invest in someone, it shows you recognise they are of worth. You recognise they have potential and you care enough about them to want to see them realise their potential. There is nothing as frustrating both for the employee and employer when the employee is put in a role they have not been equipped to handle and yet we see it time and time again. The fact that someone if your best sales person does not mean he will automatically make a great sales manager. The skills required to be a great sales person are different to the skills required to properly manage people. Invest in your personal development and that of your people. They are your greatest asset.

5. Invest in your Community

It is not enough in today’s world to think of the bottom line only in terms of profit. People are the bottom line and thank goodness more and more companies are beginning to understand this and lead their organisations on the basis of this underlying principle. As a business, no matter your size, you must take corporate social responsibility seriously. As a sole practitioner running my law firm, I would dedicate an afternoon every three months to give free advice in my local Citizens Advise Bureau. Every year we raised thousands of pounds for charities like Will Aid, Heart of Kent Hospice, Stroke Association and National Free Wills Network by preparing free or heavily discounted Wills for clients in return for a donation to charity. We all have a part to play in making our world a safer and better place. Find out the needs in your community and how you can help. Get your employees involved and you will be amazed at the positive difference it will make to staff engagement in your company.

Mary Eniolu; Trainer, Speaker, Coach

© 2020

Mary is a solicitor and professional speaker, trainer and coach. She is founder of Can Do Academy, a personal growth and leadership development company offering bespoke ILM approved training and coaching solutions to individuals and business helping them increase performance and achieve desired outcomes.

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